CMD – Outline Critique and Review

February 23, 2016 at 9:35 am | Posted in Plans, Progress, Story, Writing | Leave a comment
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Cafe Memoria Deux Logo

*Post edited: 2016/02/24

2016/03/22: Closed! Thanks to those who helped out!

Cafe Memoria was made possible because of others willing to help in its creation. Now Cafe Memoria Deux is asking for your help! It took me several months but the outline is now open for viewing!

What is Cafe Memoria Deux?

“Café Memoria Deux” is the sequel to “Café Memoria. Like its predecessor, it is an interactive slice-of-life visual novel set in a fun restaurant environment. Again, you play as Ryne, as a customer trying out the various foods the café has to offer. The game system is the same as its predecessor (food selection, rating system, etc…). However, “Café Memoria Deux” offers more of a story, more food selection, more characters, improved rating system, and of course, the ability to date one of the girls.

Story

Café Memoria has been open for several months, with great success. It is summer vacation, and Ryne is busy with summer school, along with his friends Anna, Mikaela, and best male friend Jacob. Ryne figures that by taking summer classes, he will have a better chance of going to the college of his choice. However, Anna, Mikaela, and Jacob are taking remedial classes due to poor grades; the former two have their work hours cut as a result. Julia, Tristina, and Aurelia are not taking summer classes, but are still working at Café Memoria.

Café Memoria is often the hangout spot for Ryne and his friends. One day, Anna gives Ryne a Café Memoria summer discount card, for being her friend. He decides to make use of it during his hangouts with his friends before, and after, summer classes.

Let’s create summer memories at Café Memoria!

Characters

Ryne Reyes
Ryne is the main male protagonist who enjoys eating with his friends at Cafe Memoria. He takes summer classes to prepare for college, and because there isn’t much to do during the summer aside from going to the beach. Described as calm and friendly by most of his friends, he likes to help them with the problems they face. He hates it when Julia and Mikaela bicker over him. One of his hobbies include computers, and spends lots of time on them.

Anna Pervova
Anna is the daughter of the owner of the restaurant, Elena. She startles easily and is quite shy. Even though she can be shown to have bursts of confidence through encouragement, she can get discouraged rather easily when things go wrong. Her grades aren’t that great, and because of that her mother says she can’t work that often (as much as she would want her to), she needs to focus on getting her grades up to par. She does look up to Ryne for help with her grades. She is very self-conscious about her rather flat chest, often comparing herself to Aurelia’s.

Mikaela Kier
Mikaela is Ryne’s childhood friend, and is somewhat overprotective of him. Even though she says she doesn’t want to work at Cafe Memoria, she still does, well into summer vacation. Like Anna, her grades aren’t good and can’t work that often due to summer classes. She has a very short temper and loses patience easily. She considers Julia as her rival for Ryne’s affections. Although her actions say otherwise, she often says that she only likes Ryne as a friend. Despite putting up a tough facade, certain things scare her, like spiders and scary movies.

Tristina Hamilton
Tristina still works at the restaurant simply because she thinks they’re cosplaying. She can be considered to be a “closet otaku”; she collects various anime items, including figures and whatnot, but not many people know about it. She still has a hard time with males and tends to treat them differently compared to females, but she tries hard to correct that, learning from what Ryne said (in the prequel). Because of that, her personality can range from cold and unsociable to light and fluffy. She hates being hit on by Jacob, one of Ryne’s best friends. She is in the high school’s cooking club.

Aurelia Alvarez
Aurelia is supposedly the reason why Cafe Memoria is a successful restaurant. Because of her extreme kindness, as well as physical attractiveness, there is at times a huge influx of male customers (usually from the high school), who come just to see, and hopefully be served by, her. Even so, she is still as airheaded as always, and lacking in common sense, despite having among the best grades and high popularity in school. She is the president of the high school cooking club, although her cooking skills could use some work. She is a pretty skilled video gamer as well.

Julia Sakuraba
Julia is a very modest and polite girl who downplays any accomplishments she’s done. She still works at Cafe Memoria, so she can improve her relationships with her friends and family. Even though she tries to avoid conflict as much as possible, she finds herself getting into petty arguments with Mikaela, which is often about Ryne. She is in the high school’s cooking club, and people describe her as being very talented at cooking. She likes gardening as well and grows her own fruits and vegetables to use in her cooking, as it saves her money.

Sub Characters

Elena Pervova

Elena is the owner of Café Memoria, as well as the mother of Anna. She is pretty easygoing and likes to tell embarrassing stories about her daughter. However, when the time arises, she can get pretty serious. She hopes to pass on the café to her daughter, but with her being so timid, she’s not so sure.

Jacob Alessia

Jacob is Ryne’s best male friend who happens to serve as comedic relief. He is the only male at the local high school’s cooking club, which is mostly female. His two goals in life are to be a world-renowned pickup artist, and a celebrity chef. He has eyes for Tristina, although she isn’t too fond of him. He is obsessed with the color orange.

Alden Alvarez

Alden is Aurelia’s twin brother. Unlike his sister, he is not as airheaded and lacking in common sense. He is quite uncomfortable around females, however. His sister tends to inadvertently embarrass him in public. He hates it when people tell him about how his sister is hot, often receiving inappropriate questions about her (like “would you do her”?).

Some stuff to know before reviewing:

  • Outline word count: ~41.8k words, spanning 8 documents
  • Skimming through it is okay, due to its length
  • While CMD, like its predecessor, offers food selections and critiquing your waitress, those parts are not outlined, as I’m only focusing on the story for now.
  • Grammar check / editing not necessary, but do let me know if some parts are unclear because of weird grammar usage and such.
  • This is volunteer work.
  • 3-week review period, from 2-23 to 3-15 3-22. Afterwards I’ll start writing the script <- date extended!

Outline sample, click to view larger:

Outline Sample, Week 1

What I’m looking for:

  • Constructive criticism
  • Overall feel of the story
  • What seems to work well? What can be improved?
  • Any ideas to add to the story?
  • Anything else?

Interested in looking over it? Please send me an email here, and I’ll send a link to the outlines. Thanks, and I look forward to your feedback 🙂

-Ryne

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